Taking a step back.

After beginning to feel the onset of one of my anxiety episodes today I decided to try and nip it in the bud straight away.

I had one delivery today.  To Hull.  A long, drab journey with very little to keep the mind ticking over.  I have the radio and my ipod which helps obviously, but something was nibbling at me.  Gnawing away at my nerves, hoping to catch a bite.  And today it very nearly did. 

I felt the tension rising when leaving Hull. Suddenly the mood began to darken.  Everyone on the road was an a-hole.  They were driving in a manner which only hindered my progress back to the warehouse.  I was listening to music that would only quicken the pace of my heart and the pace of my unnecessary anxiety.

I read this back now and realise this whole 'episode' was entirely of my own doing.  I placed myself in a position where anxiety and depression could control me, and not the other way around.  I allowed the what ifs to become prominent thoughts, and they can quite easily take control.  

But, today I put some teachings into practice, and  considering i am sat here writing about it, I hope they have worked.

One of the single most important things I have learnt is that it is very important to take a step back when an anxiety attack is either arriving on the scene, or happening.  Sometimes you just have to accept that things can be too much from time to time, and the best thing to do is just step back, and relax.  Do a small breathing exercise, change the focus on your mind.  Today I managed to refocus by thinking how it was equally amazing and quite sad that on Saturday was the first time that I ever managed to crack an egg (and fry it) without ruining the egg, the pan, the area surrounding the pan and my clothing.  To say I have hands like big tins of spam would be an understatement!

I also used methods I have read in a Dale Carnegie (i have probably spelt that wrong) book, which involves assessing the current situation, looking at the worst possible outcome, accepting that for what it is and then working on improving the outcome.

I have mentioned before the little saying that has stuck with me from the Anxiety Slayer podcast series that 'sometimes it rains'.  Life happens.  If every day was exactly as it had been planned out and without a single fault then that would be great wouldn't it?  I'm sure we all wish this was the case, but the deal with anxiety and depression is control.  If you allow them to control you, it erodes your very being, and slowly pushes you back into your shell, until it is impossible to even remember normality and actually have a normal existence.  I am slowly obtaining the tools to be capable of turning the nasty rottweiler of anxiety into a relaxed spaniel with the occasional worry.

Again, I don't want to convey an image of myself suffering terribly, and life for myself being a terrible clunky car crash.  It isn't.  Good days are much more frequent than bad. This blog is my way of providing clarity to my own thoughts, and also to try and make anyone who reads this think about how they act and react to other people who suffer from anxiety, or depression and even the people who actually suffer themselves.

If reading this helps arm even one person with some sort of steadying words in the rough seas of life then I would consider that a great achievement.